Monday, June 29, 2009

He Loves Soaps!

To my Should-less friends,

As promised a few weeks back, I have some very exciting news to share. Starting this week I will begin making regular contributions at, a fun and fabulous daily-updated website that is dedicated to honoring the passionate soap loving fan. I will be getting an opportunity to do interviews and features which promise to deliver messages of hope, inspiration, and tools to survive life's challenges in this confusing world. And of course, there will be some juicy dirt too!

Starting July 7th, Roger Newcomb, Michael Goldberg and myself will begin producing a regular podcast which will feature news items, unique perspectives, and fascinating interviews with the stars on screen and those behind the camera. You know if I'm involved there will also be some heated debates and "should-less" ideas thrown into the mix. The links to the shows will be featured here, as well as on

My other big news is that I have a solid rough draft of the next book done, and will be using this column to test out some passages. The public comments and private e-mails I have received have helped me to find new ways to communicate and write about issues that are relevant and meaningful in daily lives, especially in relationships.

So please check back here during the week to read "should-less" tips, samples from the next book, and the back stories behind the features you can listen and read and And if I don't say it enough, thank you to EVERYONE who has been coming back and reading, I appreciate your patience!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

I See Should-less Dead People

It's hard out there to be a celebrity this week. As I've been home writing, it seems like one famous person after another has been dropping dead. Now that I'm going back to work tomorrow I'm hoping this pattern stops.

What has been perplexing about seeing the news unfold "live" about these deaths is witnessing how differently people get treated once they are gone. Michael Jackson was treated like a monster for the past 16 years of his life who "should" act "normal." Farrah Fawcett frequently was the target of many jokes regarding her erratic public appearances, and how she "should" sober up. And Billy Mays wasn't even on the radar of mainstream media outlets until his death.Why is that when people are alive they are held to unreasonable standards, but are allowed to be "should-less" once they are gone? Isn't it hypocritical to persecute someone in life, then idolize them in death? Why does someone have to die young to catch a break?

For me these public deaths serve as a reminder that nothing is permanent, time is precious, and my "shoulds" about others are simply wasted. Why do I have to wait until someone is gone to appreciate to them? I'm going to focus this week on valuing the positive qualities of the people around me. Because as we've seen from last week, we may not get a chance to do it tomorrow.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Message From The Should-less Guy

To the wonderful loyal readers of this blog,

Thank you so much for your dedicated viewings. I apologize for being a bit neglectful lately. Blogging presents an interesting paradox for me - on one hand I have an outlet to communicate ideas, question old beliefs, and share day-to-day struggles with should-less living. On the other hand, I am amazingly bereft of Deep Thoughts at times.

I recently found myself amused at all the "shoulds" I had about keeping up a "should-less" blog. The truth is: working a full time job, writing the next book, and maintaining some type of social life have all contributed to this column not being regularly updated. I could theoretically put up random non-shouldless material from time-to-time, but realized that would not be consistent with the reason I created this blog in the first place.

So I am committing to maintain quality commentaries whenever the hell the mood strikes me. I thank the readers of the blog for being so patient as the next book about "should-less" relationships is being written. And for the soap fans, I have some very exciting news coming up in the next few weeks.

All the best,

Monday, June 1, 2009

You Asked ... James DePaiva Answered

Some wonderful fans had questions for the articulate and outspoken James DePaiva (ex-Max Holden on One Life To Live) based on the interview that was printed here. His responses are listed below:

Q: "Is there any one other than your wife, male or female, that you keep in touch with in the show or have a special relationship with?"
James DePaiva: I still keep in close contact with Bob Krimmer (Rev. Andrew). He is a very dear and important friend to me. I also see Susan Batten (Luna) quite often. She has an apartment in the same building and she married a lifelong friend of Kassies from Kentucky. They are only in NY part-time so we try to get together when they are around.

Q: "How did you feel when Asa passed away in real life? Did you have a relationship with him outside the show?"
James DePaiva: My relationship with Phil Carey was pretty much only at the show (except for the many visits to the local bar after the show). Of course, for many of those years, the show was our life.
I was very saddened by the passing of Phil (as well as Clint). They were both tremendous in their roles and were crucial to the biggest successes of OLTL. I was a big fan of both before I came to OLTL, so it was a thrill to work with them and to get to know them on a personal level.

Q: "Of all the women that Max was with during his years at “OLTL” which one do you think Max was the most in love with? Luna? Roxy? Blair? Or somebody else?"
James DePaiva: Max was too fickle for me to make a choice. Whichever woman he wanted at the time, was the love of his life. I think the fact he ended up alone, is a testament to his inability to have a love of his life. He had a love of his moment, of his conquest.
I suppose an argument could be made for Luna, but she died too soon, so we'll never know if Max could have sustained his passion for her. In reality, the love of his life was whoever the producers and writers thought it should be.
From my perspective the most important thing to me, was the incredibly talented, beautiful, hysterically funny and inventive group of actresses I got to play with. I was truly blessed with an amazingly diverse collections of playmates. If asked to choose a favorite, I'd have to say, "who am I with today?"

Q: "So are you interested in doing any directing? also, besides playing your guitar, what else are you doing with your time?"
James DePaiva: I would love to direct another film. Other than guitar, I have devoted a lot of time to developing my voice. I am currently auditioning for voice-overs and am in development for an Off-broadway musical. I've had the occasional theater job. I have been Mr. Mom for the last 5 yrs.. In addition to that, too many hobbies, skills and passions involving our country home life to mention.