Friday, November 19, 2010

"Should-less" weight loss


One of the "shoulds" I hear most often is, "I should lose weight."  This is such a pervasive thought in our culture that I dedicated entire chapter to it in my book, "Absolutely Should-less." On the surface, there appears to be nothing wrong with this statement, especially when losing weight could benefit one's physical and mental health.  The only problem is shoulds are not an effective motivator for long term change. They can sometimes be a catalyst for short-term compliance.  But they do not produce effective results in the long haul.

Why is that? Because "shoulds" about weight loss (and any other activity) are based on external pressures. In my book, there is a step-by-step process offered which helps you break down all the sources of learning why you "should" lose weight.  The basic idea is that none of us were born into this world looking in the mirror and saying, "I look fat today."  We had to learn to police our bodies this way.  And if we learned it, that means we can unlearn it.  

The main problem with using a "should" to change behavior is that it often produces the opposite result.  Overtime, reacting from a place of "should" leads one to become resentful, burnt out, frustrated, and then having a negative reaction to healthier eating and going to the gym.  If you have ever walked by that gym and felt guilty, then you know exactly what I'm talking about.

The good news is that there is an easier way to lose weight and make healthy choices.  By challenging and altering long-held "shoulds" you make room for new thoughts, new values, new beliefs.  You can begin to make choices that are rooted in love and appreciation for yourself instead of fear.  You can be empowered to feel in control of your decisions instead of complacently adhering to societal standards.  Or to put it another way, you can feel GREAT whether you decide to hit the gym or not!


Damon L. Jacobs is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist seeing individuals and couples in New York City. He specializes in issues related to addiction, bullying, caretaking fatigue, gay/lesbian issues, stress management, depression, and with couples in non-traditional arrangements. He is also the author of "Absolutely Should-less: The Secret to Living the Stress-Free Life You Deserve." To schedule a visit, email at Shouldless@gmail.com

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Day After: Was It Good For You?

Was it good for you?  Monday, November 1st was the Third Annual Give Up Your Shoulds Day.  For one day, hundreds of you went without a harmful "should" that had been preventing you from having the blissful life you deserve.  Now what?

If you enjoyed having a day without "shoulds," then consider trying one week, maybe even a month. My book Absolutely Should-less offers a step by step guide to reducing "shoulds" in satisfying and effective ways.  It encourages you to take responsibility for your own bliss and directly challenge any messages that conveys, "You should change."

To learn more about how to live blissfully without "shoulds," continue to visit this blog, or listen to any one of the shows:  

Radio Show with General Hospital's Jacklyn Zeman
Feast of Fun
Da Doo-Dirty Show (Damon comes on around 85min)
Brandon's Buzz 

If you are in the New York City and want to see me for a session, please contact me at Shouldless@gmail.com, or call 347-227-7707.

Damon L. Jacobs is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist seeing individuals and couples in New York City. He specializes in issues related to addiction, bullying, caretaking fatigue, gay/lesbian issues, stress management, depression, and with couples in non-traditional arrangements. He is also the author of "Absolutely Should-less: The Secret to Living the Stress-Free Life You Deserve." To schedule a visit, email at Shouldless@gmail.com

Monday, November 1, 2010

The Third Annual Give Up Your "Shoulds" Day Is Today!

WELCOME to the 3rd Annual Give Up Your "Shoulds" Day!  I couldn't be happier to celebrate this holiday again and to hear all the "shoulds" that people are willing to give up for a day.  Remember: Giving up a "should" does not necessarily mean you are going to do drastically different things.  It may mean doing the exact same things differently.  Either way you get to wake up on a Monday morning without having all the "shoulds" weigh you down.  So here's how it works:

MORNING: Please post on your FB or Twitter status one "should" you are willing to give up for one day. Please include @Damon L. Jacobs so I can see it. (on Twitter it's "DamonLJacobs").

2pm-3pm EST: Listen to our "should-less" blogtalk radio broadcast with General Hospital's Jacklyn Zeman at http://tobtr.com/s/1319605, at 2pm EST (11am PST) .Call in live and share with us your "should"!

3pm-4pm EST: Engage in Twitter discussion with Damon about "shoulds" at http://twitter.com/DamonLJacobs

8pm-9:30pm EST: If you are in NYC, come to the FREE workshop, "How To Lose The Should To Get The Good" at 208 W. 13th street. Free Brownies made by Matt Cameron, aka, the "Zesty Chef" of New York.

THROUGHOUT THE DAY: You can listen to me discuss the bliss of living life "should-less" by listening to my appearance on any one of these shows:

Feast of Fun
Da Doo-Dirty Show (Damon comes on around 85min)
Brandon's Buzz 

If this event appeals to someone you know, please tell them as well!

Thank you so much, I look forward to sharing a wonderful "Should-less" day with all of you!

Damon L. Jacobs is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist seeing individuals and couples in New York City. He specializes in issues related to addiction, bullying, caretaking fatigue, gay/lesbian issues, stress management, depression, and with couples in non-traditional arrangements. He is also the author of "Absolutely Should-less: The Secret to Living the Stress-Free Life You Deserve." To schedule a visit, email at Shouldless@gmail.com