Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The L Train Suicides

Residents of the Williamsburg neighborhood of Brooklyn depend on the L train as the primary mode of transportation between our little nook and Manhattan.  We are often frustrated and flummoxed by the quantity of delays and disruptions in service on this subway line.  But in recent months, we have been increasingly perplexed by the disturbing amount of suicides that are have taken place on this line.  At 11:30am today, there was the third of at least three incidents in the past three months in which a commuter took his or her life on the L train tracks.  What is happening here?

I am not privy to the identities of the victims, nor the reasoning for using the L train (seeming more so than any other subway line) to end one's life.  What I do know is that the act of suicide is an expression of extreme suffering that comes from distorted thought and belief patterns.  These ideas may include: "There is something wrong with me," "I should be normal," "Nothing will ever be better," "It is up to other people to make me happy," "I am unlovable," "I have nothing to contribute to this world," "I will always feel as bad as I do today."  

In my therapy practice, I encourage individuals and couples to question and challenge irrational and destructive thought patterns that can lead to violence, anger, and/or suicide.  Such alternatives may include, "There is nothing wrong with me even if I don't fit in," "There is no such thing as 'should'", "My life will get better if I do the work of taking care of myself," "I am 100% responsible for making me happy," "I am truly lovable for who I am," "I have something of value to give to others in this world," "My feelings are not facts - just because I feel like I will never feel better, that is not rationally true. 

As subway commuters who can't commute, it is easy to become angered and enraged by the fact that thousands of lives are disturbed and disrupted by one tragic act.  We tend to focus on the loss of income generated, the missed meetings, and general frustration with not being able to control our day.  But the truth is, suicide is more than just an inconvenience.  The repeated pattern demonstrates that there is something very problematic and toxic in our neighborhood that is leading people to believe suicide is the only way to get relief.  When each of us change our thinking, we experience a different kind of relief that creates possibility for others to do the same.  I know I am going to be a lot more aware of this on the L train from now on.  How about you?

Please press here to see my "40 Lessons of 40" series, which includes tips for managing suicidal thoughts, depression, stress management, and anger management.  If you are thinking about committing suicide PLEASE talk to someone first.  Call 1-800-273-8255.

Damon L. Jacobs is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist seeing individuals and couples in New York City. He specializes in issues related to addiction, ageism, bullying, caretaking fatigue, body image, grief and loss, gay/lesbian issues, stress management, depression, as well as couples in non-traditional arrangements. He is the author of "Absolutely Should-less: The Secret to Living the Stress-Free Life You Deserve." To have him speak with your group, or to schedule a counseling visit, call 347-227-7707, or email at Shouldless@gmail.com

Monday, May 23, 2011

Come to "Relating" with Damon and Truett in NYC!

**Tomorrow, Tuesday May 24th, at 53 Christopher Street, 10pm**

I am so excited to be hosting this monthly event in the West Village of Manhattan.  We have international sex expert Rocky LaBarre, one of New York's leading advisors on sexual activity, the art of sensuality, and anal pleasure.

Rocky LaBarre, a celebrity in the adult film/modeling industry, and massage therapist of 25 years, will discuss worthwhile techniques on having pleasurable sex just the way you like it. Rocky's charisma and sex appeal will definitely add excitement to hearing all of his knowledge on the art of sexual pleasure. As with all subjects, seeking advice from an expert will make your experiences more pleasurable.

Rocky is a native of New York City, he became a sex expert as he has always had a caring, sensual, and intuitive nature. As he himself says: "I can feel what another person feels when I touch them."

Here is your chance to meet Rocky and get his advice on pleasurable, relaxing sex and how relating to your partner (or buddy) in a more intimate, satisfying way can create a better relationship. 



Damon L. Jacobs is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist seeing individuals and couples in New York City. He specializes in issues related to addiction, ageism, bullying, caretaking fatigue, body image, grief and loss, gay/lesbian issues, stress management, depression, as well as couples in non-traditional arrangements. He is the author of "Absolutely Should-less: The Secret to Living the Stress-Free Life You Deserve." To have him speak with your group, or to schedule a counseling visit, call 347-227-7707, or email at Shouldless@gmail.com


Sunday, May 1, 2011

40 Lessons Of 40: #1-#10

Aging.  We are all going to do it no matter who we are, where we live, or what we believe.  Yet I have found there is much intense fear and shame around the most human thing we can possibly do.  I started writing the "40 Lessons of 40" series to assist people of any age realize that getting older can bring empowerment, fun, and freedom, when they learn how to apply certain tools. 

I am thrilled that I turned 40-years-old on April 25th.  In the 40 days prior, I counted down the lessons that have helped me to live, to love, to laugh, and to cope with loss.  These are lessons that make my life easier and more peaceful now, and lessons that would have made my life a lot easier and more peaceful when I was in my twenties.  They may not change your whole world, but I guarantee they will change the way you see your whole world.

Lesson #1: Seek Not To Change The World But To Change Your Mind About The World
Lesson #2: Dropping The "Should" Makes Life Happy
Lesson #3: What Other People Think And Say About You Is None Of Your Business
Lesson #4: Feelings Are Not Facts
Lesson #5: Don't Believe Anyone Who Says "You Can't."
Lesson #6: You Are Not Your Body
Lesson #7: There Is Power And Serenity In Saying, "No."
Lesson #8: What Is Real Cannot Be Threatened
Lesson #9: Change Is Good
Lesson #10: You Are 100% Responsible For How You Feel

Lessons #11-#20
Lessons #21-#30
Lessons #31-#40
 
I am a licensed psychotherapist in New York who focuses on short-term solution-focused approaches to learning tools for coping with ageism, grief and loss, bereavement, stress management, social anxiety, depression, and anger. I also specialize working with individuals and/or couples coping with addiction, HIV related concerns, caretaking fatigue, spiritual/religious issues, and coming out.  I currently see clients on Tuesdays and Fridays at 1133 Broadway (at 26th street), and have later night appointments for those who cannot attend appointments during the day.  Press here to see highlights from my recent "Give Up Your Shoulds Day" conference in New York City.  If you are interested in having me as a presenter for your group or at your business, please feel free to write at Shouldless@gmail.com, or call me at 347-227-7707.