There
was a time in my life when I held on to mental grudges and emotional
vendettas with a tight fist. I didn't want anyone to "get away" with
hurting me, and I did not forgive or forget anyone who had said or done
something "wrong." Not coincidentally, my living space was in a state of
cluttered disarray. I had piles of things I did not need all around,
dust gathering on old possessions, and every wall space covered. I
believed that if I threw away collections, clothes, or old sentimental
items that I would be losing a part of myself. And thank God, I was
right.
Around age eighteen, when I eventually did
start cleaning out old closets and letting go of material possessions, I
found that I could also let go of old parts of me that didn't
fit anymore. If I could release the parts of childhood Damon that had
seen himself as an injured victim, then I could physically and
emotionally begin to make room for a newer and more adult version. This
Damon would grow, start to take more responsibility for his experience,
and would be more open to learning new lessons.
Often
times people clutter and hoard as an unconscious way to protect
themselves from a perceived sense of anxiety or loss. The drawback is
that clutter also prevents potential joy from entering your world. If
your home is full then there is literally no room for anything new.
Your heart and mind work in the exact same way. Disorder in your house
and traffic in your mind serve no purpose other than to make you rigid,
stifled, and closed down to new opportunities.
My
house at this moment is not the neatest place in the world, but it is
overall clean with minimal furniture and minimal decoration. Keeping my
living area in order allows me to stay centered, focused, embracing of
the present, and excited about the future. It provides me with a space
of positivity and possibility that is reflective of how I feel about
aging at this time. I am willing to let go of the physical and
emotional clutter that stagnates me and holds me back from all the
adventures and experiences that life has to offer. What do you need to
clear out to make this possible for you?
Damon L. Jacobs
is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist seeing individuals and couples
in New York City. He specializes in issues related to addiction,
ageism, bullying, caretaking fatigue, grief and loss, gay/lesbian issues, stress management,
depression, as well as couples in non-traditional arrangements. He is the author of "Absolutely Should-less: The Secret to Living the Stress-Free Life You Deserve." To have him speak with your group, or to schedule a counseling visit, call 347-227-7707, or email at Shouldless@gmail.com
1 comment:
Great post. Reminds me of something else I read recently:
God can't hand you anything new
until you let go of what you're holding.
--Michael
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