Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Messed Up Thinking #6: It Is Personal

 When someone says something to you or about you, it feels personal.  When someone hits you or knocks you down, it feels personal.  When someone uses Twitter, FaceBook, or any social media to publicly attack you, it feels personal.  When a bully in your life tries to hurt you or intimidate you, it feels personal. But the power you have in ANY and all of these circumstances is to remind yourself of this golden phrase:

"What other people think of me is none of my business."

Seriously!  You have the choice to change your mind at any moment by repeating the above.  You may need to repeat a lot if you have never said it before, but I guarantee the more you integrate this message into to your daily life, the easier it will get.

What's implicit in this message is that every single one are walking around on this earth making meaning of life based on our perceptions.  How each and every one of us define good or bad, smart or dumb, attractive or unattractive, completely depends on how we have been conditioned.  You don't get to choose or control the conditioning with which other people judge you.  What you do get control over is how much power and attention you are going to give it.

Remember, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."  If you attack me then I will definitely experience pain, outrage, frustration, or some form of hurt.  But suffering happens when I tell myself, "He is right. I'm no good, I should shut up, I should be dead."  If every child and adult truly learned this lesson, I can promise that this epidemic of gay suicides would end quickly.

When someone hates you it has nothing to do with you.  Learn this now, live peacefully forever. 

Damon L. Jacobs is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist seeing individuals and couples in New York City. He specializes in issues related to addiction, bullying, caretaking fatigue, gay/lesbian issues, stress management, depression, and with couples in non-traditional arrangements. He is also the author of "Absolutely Should-less: The Secret to Living the Stress-Free Life You Deserve." To schedule a visit, email at Shouldless@gmail.com

No comments: