Having a book published has been one of the most exciting experiences of my life. When I learned that "Absolutely Should-less" was going to be released by Morgan-James Publishing in September, 2008, I started counting the days.
Then I learned it's being pushed back to November 1.
Immediately the should came to me, "no, they should publish it in September!" I noticed myself starting to feel frustrated. So I used to tools in the book to explore some thoughts:
"How do you know it should come out in September?"
Honestly, I don't. And actually, when I think about it, many of the positive things that have happened in my life did not happen when I thought they "should." I have no way of truly knowing when anything "should" happen, so there's no point in arguing with what is happening now.
"How do you feel when you think the book should come out in September?"
I feel frustrated, impatient, bummed out.
"What would one day be like without this should?"
It would be much easier because I wouldn't be controlling things I have no control over.
"Replace it."
I would have preferred for the book to come out in September as originally planned, but I'm so glad it's coming out at all, and I am determined to enjoy this process either way.
When I think that last thought I feel at peace, much more accepting with what is happening around me. And because I prefer this feeling, I know I'll be using this tool again.
2 comments:
What a great little summary of the power that this way of being has. I'm truly impressed. I also think it's a good reminder that this process needs to be constant -- you don't get rid of shoulds, you obtain mastery of the process of dealing with them!
I completely agree, Matt! It takes practice and discipline, but I swear it gets easier. Will I ever be 100% without shoulds? Probably not. But over time my ability to handle them gets much stronger.
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