Be Monogamous
On the surface of it, this seems like a common expectation, isn't it? After all, in most marriage ceremonies there is usually a line involving "forsaking all others until death do you part." It makes sense that when an idea is so deeply ingrained culturally that it would play out in the form of "shoulds" in individual relationships.
The only problem with this is that a large amount of unions/partnerships are not monogamous in practice. From Elliot Spitzer, to Bill Clinton, to Matthew Broderick, to John F. Kennedy, to Brad Pitt, we are constantly being reminded that monogamous long-term relationships may in fact not be the norm.
What if there was a way to have an open and honest conversation with your wife/husband/significant other/partner about the realities of monogamy, without the "shoulds?" Wouldn't it be great for two people in a relationship to come together and honestly communicate preferences, wants, and desires, without judgments and without shame? Many couples are in fact doing more of this, and navigating the murky waters of "cheating" vs. "having an agreement."
In order to successfully do this, each person must drop their "shoulds." They must challenge what they've learned about relationships from their families, friends, culture, society, and be willing to have a possibly uncomfortable conversation with the person they care about. Remember, none of us were born into this world declaring, "I should find one person and only have sex with them the rest of my life." This is a learned belief, and one that seems to be in conflict with reality for many relationships.
Instead of judging that, talk about it. The more a couple communicates, the less likely there will be lying or deceit. The more they talk about their feelings, the less likely they will experience feeling betrayed and hurt. And wouldn't that be so much easier ?
The only problem with this is that a large amount of unions/partnerships are not monogamous in practice. From Elliot Spitzer, to Bill Clinton, to Matthew Broderick, to John F. Kennedy, to Brad Pitt, we are constantly being reminded that monogamous long-term relationships may in fact not be the norm.What if there was a way to have an open and honest conversation with your wife/husband/significant other/partner about the realities of monogamy, without the "shoulds?" Wouldn't it be great for two people in a relationship to come together and honestly communicate preferences, wants, and desires, without judgments and without shame? Many couples are in fact doing more of this, and navigating the murky waters of "cheating" vs. "having an agreement."
In order to successfully do this, each person must drop their "shoulds." They must challenge what they've learned about relationships from their families, friends, culture, society, and be willing to have a possibly uncomfortable conversation with the person they care about. Remember, none of us were born into this world declaring, "I should find one person and only have sex with them the rest of my life." This is a learned belief, and one that seems to be in conflict with reality for many relationships.
Instead of judging that, talk about it. The more a couple communicates, the less likely there will be lying or deceit. The more they talk about their feelings, the less likely they will experience feeling betrayed and hurt. And wouldn't that be so much easier ?
